Novel Snippet #1

I apologize for my extended absence. Lately I have been quite busy with a few other things, including my summer project of sorts: a novel. I’m about 2,000 words in now, so there’s no turning back now! I’d like to share a little snippet with you, and I’d love to get a bit of feedback if you would be so kind. Thank you, and stay tuned for more.

By 6:30 AM on the first of my last days of childhood I am already crying. It’s not a real cry in the sense that there’s no tears and sobbing, although I probably could “actually” cry if I wanted to. The few teachers’ cars and the light dusting of snow covering the parking lot wouldn’t mind if I broke down into tears, but I still don’t actually cry. Instead, I internally cry, which in many ways is much worse than actually crying. When you actually cry, you release some of the emotions and fears and whatever else that are making you cry, but when you internally cry all of that just builds up until one day you just explode or something. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I probably will pretty soon.

Copyright © Collin Griffin 2016


4 thoughts on “Novel Snippet #1

  1. Hi Collin. Hope the novel’s coming along. I’m also just getting back to my blog and catching up with what peeps’ve been up to. Since you asked, here goes some feedback:

    I like the way you unravel the description of the place. It feels very natural.

    “the first of my last days” is a nice phrase, but it feels a bit awkward with the present tense narration.

    Also, I would come up with different words for “internally crying” and “actually crying”, maybe replace the former with “despair”—to me, having the word “cry” eight times in a paragraph doesn’t work.

    The concept of comparing the “internal” and the “actual” crying is great though. I’d definitely keep that in one way or another.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Martin! Glad to hear you’re getting back into the blog. Yes, some of the phrasing is a bit awkward, I definitely need to do some edits after I finish the first draft. Thank you for your feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I certainly hope it is. It will be quite the undertaking. This novel will be YA realistic fiction. I find that it’s an interesting genre to write in, teenage years being some of the most conflict-ridden and turbulent times of any person’s life.


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